50 Nut Puns That Are Quite Nutty

This list of nut puns is open to contribution. If you’d like to add a nut pun to it, please submit it to us using the comments section below.

Nuts. What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear of nuts? You may think of cashews, brazil nuts, almonds, pistachios, walnuts, and the list really goes on. Unfortunately, some people cannot enjoy nuts as they are allergic to them which is sad since they are missing out on the fun. But for those who are lucky enough to not have a reaction to nuts can appreciate the goodness that nuts give.

Nuts are a fattening snack but here is the thing, they are a good snack and they are good for those who are watching their weight as well. Even though nuts are fattening, they are highly filling and are also packed with protein which makes you feel longer. The other thing about nuts is that they have healthy fats that are good for your brain. That is why before you take an exam to go and munch on a few nuts (as long as you are not allergic to them).

And nuts also have a naughty connotation as well as I don’t have to tell you. Therefore, if you have a dirty mind (kind of like I do admittedly), then you will associate the term ‘nuts’ with something naughty that has nothing to do with food. Okay, aside from that, something else funny that are related to nuts is nut puns. Let’s go over 50 of the nuttiest ones right now. 

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List of Nut Puns That Are Quite Nutty:

Following are some of the best nut puns that are quite nutty.

1. My friend asked me what an acorn is and I told her that in a nutshell, it comes from an oak tree.

2. Why did the peanut butter end up on a road? Due to the traffic jam.

3. Nut flavored biscuits are amazing. Amaretti? You bet.

4. What happened to the peanuts that were strolling down the road? They were assaulted.

5. What do you call a walnut in space? An astronut.

6. Why are almonds crazy? They are nuts.

7. I wish I could tell you something secretive about peanut butter but not sure if I should say anything as you could spread it.

8. How much do deer nuts cost? A buck.

9. If you really want to eat 100 cashews, you are nuts.

10. What is an almond that is paralyzed called? A busted nut.

11. What is another name for a kidney stone? A pee-nut.

12. What does a palm tree need to do when the wind is extremely strong? To protect its nuts as this is no common blow task.

13. What happened when you are telling jokes while others go nuts? They bolt away.

14. What do you say to someone who is stealing nuts from the store and is about to shoplift them? ‘Someone is going to cashew’.

15. Why did the squirrel hide in the rain? He wanted to keep his nuts dry.

16. What does a gigolo do after sex? It nuts and bolts.

17. What is the richest nut around? Cashoo.

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18. What does a nut do when it sneezes? Cashew.

19. Why did Hitler hate nuts? He did not have two.

20. What is an extremely horny woman called that loves to give painful sex? A nut cracker.

21. What play do you bring a bunch of cashews at to munch on while watching? The Nutcracker.

peanuts aren't nuts, believe it or nut - nut puns

22. Peanuts aren’t nuts, believe it or nut.

23. Those walnuts that I had gotten from the store fell out of the bag and there was an opening in it, nut-urally.

24. Why are cashews and almonds so good for you? They are packed with nut-rients.

25. How long on average does it take to crack open a walnut? Less than a mi-nut.

26. You and I love nuts and legumes and we are like two pea-nuts in a pod.

27. That nutty ice cream is so sugary that every time you eat it, you are bouncing off the wal-nuts.

28. I wanted to get a job at the nut factory but the interview I had did not pine out.

29. My bag of almonds flew out of my hand during the wind storm and in a pine-nic I grabbed them faster than imaginable.

30. I had a nightmare about nuts and I broke out in a kola sweat.

31. I am sorry I did not share my chocolate covered almonds with you but there is no reason to keep giving me the kola shoulder.

32. What is the country that is full of nuts? Kolambia.

33. In the cooking class there may be times when we will have to bake with nuts. I would have to check the school curri-kola-m.

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34. Your obsession with almonds is becoming ridi-kola-s.

35. That nut cake was not expected, in fact it was a kola-ssal surprise.

36. Why it is nice to eat tree nuts underneath a palm tree? Because who can forgo that palm-pering?

37. What nutty gloss is the best? Of course the strawberry-flavored lip palm.

38. A nutty dessert cake that is fancy is one heck of a kola-nary delight.

39. Nuts make you feel good because it increases your do-palm-ine levels.

40. What fruit does a nut have in common with? A pine-apple.

41. That guy who keeps telling nut puns is one heck of a pine in the butt.

42. Losing track of how many nuts you eat is as easy as shelling peanuts.

43. According to the nut factory worker, the 13th almond-ment is a lie.

44. What singer would have been in trouble if he had a nut allergy? Mark Almond.

45. What tropical drink tastes nutty? The peanut colada.

46. What happens if you are surrounded by a variety of nuts and you want to eat all of them? You go nuts.

47. Why are walnuts hard to penetrate? One is a tough nut to crack.

48. That nutty dessert on the menu I highly rec-almond.

49. Why are nut factory workers not paid enough? Because they are working for peanuts.

50. I can-nut understand how you don’t like almonds.

There you go. Did you go nuts over these nutty puns?

Do you wish to add your own nut pun to the list?

Feel free to let us know using the comments section below.

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